"Educated In a Small Town"

Too many times in life we are left dwelling on what we don’t have rather than what we do. We are so focused on what we want rather than appreciating the things and people we are fortunate to have in our lives. Being raised in a small town and going to a small high school, all anyone ever said was, whatever you do, you have got to get out of here. There is nothing here for you. There are no jobs. There’s nothing to do. The weather is terrible. There’s no money. I can’t exactly say they were wrong. There certainly isn’t much to argue with any of those points.

However, I want to talk about how fortunate I am that I was able to grow up where I did. I learned so many invaluable life lessons that I wouldn’t trade for anything. The first is that, not only are you no better than anyone else, but no one else is any better than you. This seems like such a simple idea but I’ve seen so many people that understand one side of it, but not the other. If you’re a businessman you don’t treat the janitor any differently than you would treat the CEO of your company. Both men, or women for that matter, are neither inferior nor superior to you. Do not be intimidated by anyone. You will encounter many people in your life convinced that they are above you. Perhaps they have a higher salary or a better job title. There will be other ways in which they cannot hold a candle to you. Maybe it’s your passion or your creativity or the way you make people feel. You will encounter many people in your life convinced that they are inferior to you. Treat them in such a way that when they walk away they feel like an important part of your life. Go out of your way to put a smile on their face and make them feel special. They probably have just as much to teach you as you do them.

Nothing is ever handed to you. You have to fight for everything. They call it “blue-collar.” I call it the only life I know. It’s kind of funny but I always feel like I get exactly what I earn, nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes that’s a good thing, but sometimes my losses are “earned” just the same. You are entitled to nothing. Because of these things, you learn the value of a dollar. That alone is an idea so foreign to many that the smallest setback throws them into a financial panic.

I learned what it means to compete and to believe in yourself. There will always be someone out there more talented than you but that doesn’t mean you can’t win. It is said best in one of my favorite poems, “Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man, but soon or late the man who wins is the one who thinks he can.” It doesn’t matter what anyone else believes. The tale of the tape is insignificant. No one can measure what you have inside of you. Neither heart nor passion are measurable entities but their importance is far greater than anything that can be quantified.

There are times when you are going to get hit and get hit hard. How you respond is what determines your fate. It’s in your hands. When you get knocked down the choice is yours. You can stay down and let them ring the bell or you can get back up and fight. When you climb back to your feet at a time when no one would blame you for giving up and throwing in the towel, that’s when you define your character.

I can’t say that I wouldn’t have learned these things growing up anywhere else, but I can say that I owe it to where I’m from and the people I know that I did. I know that I’m a lot more prepared for anything that life might throw my way because of the strength that was instilled in me. I know that everything happens for a reason and whatever happens, I’m prepared. 

"The Undervalued Importance of High School Coaches"

A recent experience by someone very close to me has really made me think about something that I feel is often overlooked by people, especially high school administrators. We, the public, get into so many discussions and debates regarding the importance of teachers in the school system and how underpaid and underappreciated they are. I’m not here to debate that topic. That is a discussion for another day. My issue is with the situation we too often have with the attitude and carelessness in the hiring of athletic coaches at scholastic institutions. Why do we often give these jobs to teachers who are totally unqualified to lead an athletic team simply because the teachers’ union says we must do so? Why do we give teachers good salaries and great benefits yet we throw a couple thousand dollar stipend toward most high school coaches?  I will argue that a good coach will have far greater impact on an adolescent’s life than any single teacher ever will. I am sorry but I have never heard someone say about his or her math or science teacher, “He was like a second father to me.” Again, I take nothing away from the teachers out there who work hard at helping kids. My question is, why don’t we put more of an emphasis on the hiring of good athletic coaches who will teach kids lessons in work ethic, discipline, mental toughness, focus, handling adversity and many other skills that will carry a person so much further towards success than any subject class ever will? How many times do we give a coaching job to a teacher that decides he or she could use the extra money regardless of that person’s qualifications? We are robbing children of the life altering education that they could be receiving from someone that is more qualified to lead them. You wouldn’t hire someone unqualified to teach a physics class at your school so why would you do so with a coach? Coaches are teachers too and I believe that they are the most important teachers we have. I was very blessed to have learned valuable life lessons from coaches such as Paul Lombardo, Mark Petersen, and Rich Clifford during my high school playing days. I want to see other student-athletes have the opportunities that I had. I understand that no matter what you do there is always going to be some unhappy kids and parents. Someone is always going to have a problem with your X’s and O’s or how you decide to divide your playing time. But when a team is in total chaos in and out of the playing arena because of a total lack of leadership then that is a problem. Unfortunately, it is a problem that I have seen firsthand both in my high school days and now that I am on the outside looking in. I’ve seen everything, from coaches that don’t have the slightest clue about the fundamentals of the sport that they coach to not having the maturity to handle the player/parent situations that arise often stemming from the ineptitude of their methods.

I’m sure that this blog is going to draw some harsh reaction from some, especially those who misinterpret the message. It is not meant to insinuate that teachers are not important or that all teachers who are given coaching jobs are automatically unqualified. I will point out that all three coaches previously named who had a positive impact on my life were also teachers. However, I was very lucky that when Coach Clifford retired from coaching baseball that Coach Lombardo was brought in from outside the school district and the job was not just handed to a teacher inside the district who was in no way ready for the responsibility. To this day, I believe that he is the single best head coach that I ever had, high school or college. They say good coaching is getting the best from the least and no one did that better than he did. I did learn some about the game but I learned so much more about life and the keys to success. All I want is for the kids of today, especially at my alma mater Cassadaga Valley, to be given the opportunity to have the same experiences that I had. Unfortunately, I know some of them are not. I just want to see much more attention given to importance of getting the right people in these positions to impact young lives. 

"Life is simple, it just isn't easy"

Today I had the opportunity to have lunch with a very dear friend of mine. We had some great conversation about so many things but much of it pertained to the experiences of the last few months. My friend has played a very important role in the healing process and has made such a difference in my life with amazing advice and a point of view that sometimes I am unable to see on my own. We talked about faith and focus and trusting in God and his plan. I was driving home tonight and doing some thinking and something really hit me. There is a saying that I like to use with our players about playing the game of baseball. It goes like this. The art of hitting a baseball is very simple, it just isn’t very easy. Sometimes people want to turn it into “rocket surgery” (I think they meant “rocket science” or perhaps “brain surgery” lol) but it is really about simplifying and focusing on the few things that truly matter. Well life, it seems to me, is very much the same story. When you think about it, life is quite simple, it just isn’t easy. Life is going to throw us some curveballs and we are going to be faced with temptations but if we can just accept that things happen for a reason and that God has a plan for each of us if we just trust him, then things can become so much more simple. That can be one big “if” at certain times in our lives and that’s exactly what makes life not so easy. It can be tough at times to have faith when everything seems to be going wrong and all you seem to feel is pain. The thing is this, that’s when you have to have the most faith and trust. Seems kinda simple doesn’t it? As simple as that is, it’s not easy to do because life can present us with so many temptations for temporary satisfaction and it’s easy to give in to them. We give in because we’ll do anything to not feel the pain for just a little while. Just so we can be distracted from the difficulties that life has handed us. The only problem with that strategy is that soon that temporary satisfaction wears off and we’re right back to where we started. I feel like everything that I have been through recently has been a blessing in disguise. I can admit that it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through but I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that God has a plan for me and he was looking out for me. I know that I am a better person now than I was at the beginning of this whole thing. I know that I’m stronger and more confident in myself than ever before. I know I have learned to value my friendships more. I could go on and on about all the things I’ve learned and all the differences I feel in my heart but the point is just that if we leave things in God’s hands life becomes much easier. My friend said it so well. Sometimes you just gotta say “ok God, I’m looking atcha and I’m gonna trust ya. Whatcha got for me?”

"Hold The Rope"

Over the course of our lives there are some things that tend to stick with us such as a quote that we hear or a lesson we learn. Every so often something happens in our lives that takes us back to that time and conjures up those memories. 

I’ve heard the words echoed and referred to in many different ways, especially during my time in the coaching profession, “hold the rope.” I remember sitting in the gymnasium during the early spring as we began our preparation for the upcoming high school baseball season. After all, I grew up in Western New York, and much of our pre-season activities did occur inside as it was far too cold, wet, and white to go outside. Our coach handed each player a sheet full of questions asking for us to list our individual goals, team goals, as well as a few others things regarding the season that was fast approaching. The last question was far different from any of the others and made you stop and think for a moment. The scenario described was this: Imagine that you are hanging off the edge of a cliff and the only thing preventing you from falling is the end of a rope that you are holding and the person standing on top of the cliff holding the other end of that rope. Who would you choose to be at the other end of that rope? Where could he possibly be going with this, we all thought. How does this have anything to do with this team, this season, and our success? I pondered for a little while and then I filled in my answer, my dad. We all handed in our questionnaires, and, after coach had the opportunity to go over all of them, we met again and discussed our responses. We covered goal setting and everything else, but I was really anxious to get to that last question and get the explanation as to what that was all about. Finally, we got there and everything seemed to slow down as everyone’s eyes were now focused on coach and their ears perked up. I sensed I wasn’t the only one whose curiosity was piqued by this topic. He proceeded to tell us that he had hoped we would all choose a teammate to be on the other end of that rope. It didn’t have to be a member of our baseball team necessarily, but a teammate in life, be it a friend, a family member, a mentor. The idea is that sometimes over the course of a game, a season, or more importantly in life, you are going to have some tough times. You are going to feel like you are dangling over the edge of a cliff and don’t know if you can hold on any longer. Sometimes you begin to feel like falling is easier than fighting your way back to the top. Realize that you have someone on the other end of that rope that is willing to do everything in their power to pull you back up. All you have to do is hold on to that rope and everything is going to be ok. There are times when you are going to feel like letting go, but, I promise, if you “hold the rope” someone will pull you back up. You have to hold on because someday there will be someone that needs you to stand on top of that cliff and fight with every ounce of your being to pull him or her back up. We were going to apply that idea to our ballclub and our motto for that season was going to be “hold the rope.”

This very lesson is something that has always stuck with me and it is a measuring stick I use to this day when looking at people in my life or on our team. I will ask myself about someone, if I am hanging off the edge of a cliff, do I want this person on the other end of my rope? Recently, I was doing some thinking and this thought came to my mind. Something hit me just out of nowhere and I realized that there is more to this than what I have already discussed. I now recognize that hanging off the edge of that cliff is the easy part. All you have to do is hold on and fight and you know you have someone at the top that is holding on and fighting just as hard. You know that whether or not you are okay is really in your hands. Everything is in your control. The difficult part is being the person at the top that is holding on and fighting with everything you’ve got to pull your “teammate” up to safety. However, when you’re at the top, you have so little control. You can give all the effort your heart and soul have to give, but if at any point the person on the other end of the rope gives up the fight and let’s go, you are helpless to save them. You can stand at the edge and look down and see the empty canyon into which they are in danger of falling. You can look down and know that you have the strength to pull them back up if they just hold tight. But no matter what you know in your heart and no matter the fight you are willing to put up, if that person decides to let go, there is nothing that you can do.

After everything that I’ve had to see and go through, I now have come to the realization that I much rather be the person dangling off the edge of the cliff. I can control how much I fight. I will determine how tightly I hold on. I will make it back to the top because I know I have people that care enough about me to pull me back up. Even though I know I am capable, I don’t ever want to have to be the one standing at the top of the cliff again. It is too hard to see your “teammate” let go…..